Otherwise, I am kind of mindless and almost spaced-out sometimes. I walk by St. James's and see their refurbished garden area is still off limits because they have yet to replace the fountain, but the plants are all in the new soil and the first one seems to be...a rose, a pale cream rose, close to the ground. Oh metaphor. The bells ring and they don't seem to have that high, distant sound any more, but something deeper and warmer, reverberating differently along the diagonal walkway up to Adelaide, by the flowers I know and don't know, the trees and hedges...almost echoing, though I know they don't actually do that. I went in yesterday with Standing Man and he wanted to touch the candles and we (his maternal grandmother & I) had to keep him away, he was so eager. I lit a candle in a deep blue glass as all the other colors were already lit - it was late afternoon, but still I was surprised. So much warmth, I could not help but be reminded of him, sensed he was there.

I have done the I Ching and got 53 and 52 - Progress and Mountain. I am going along fine, but should stop at some point before continuing, to appreciate where I have been, to rest before continuing onwards. I wait; I wait and I wonder - he has sent me two mixed tapes and I have no idea what is on them. In my dreams I keep reading things that either don't exist or are hard to read - guides, gossip - I had one nightmare but none others since. Everything is being directed and attuned to him, to London, but I am here and not constantly lovesick or pining away - because I am happy...