Yesterday I went to Mount Sinai to hear the latest on my condition - they still aren't exactly sure what's wrong with me, so I am due for more tests...more awkwardness, the less written about the better (hey, Stereogirl's a family publication, you know?) and so on. Then the promised operation in January, which I hope happens after my birthday, though not much longer after it...

...and in the meantime, I'm moving; went back in the cold rain with my mom yesterday to get my computer (now hers) and some more clothing, cds and books. Tatiana drove us back, telling me all about a surgeon I should call to work on me - by the evening she'd phoned my mom to say he'd died...oh well. She had had endometriosis and yet had felt no pain, unlike myself (I am up at this unlikely hour due to restlessness and a vague pain from my crowded insides). The doctor at the Women's Unit couldn't be nicer about everything, and even asked me the boggling question of whether I wanted to be woken up mid-operation to give consent about how to proceed if the surgeon found anything bad; I said to just go ahead and do the work. I have no interest in being operated on twice, and while I am impatient for a diagnosis I realize that practically everyone at Mount Sinai who can be asked to look at my ultrasound and MRI pictures has, and that there are many minds puzzling over my problem. So: more blood tests, including (I don't even bother asking now, really) one that will be scanned for amongst other things, pregnancy. (It must be good for something other than that, or there's some technical whoosie that I don't know about.)

In all this, I am missing my guy Marcello immensely. And yet, the more I miss him, the closer he seems to be to me. As I gathered my things to leave the Women's Unit, I felt his first, intense hug as we met at Gatwick in August. That desperate longing to hold me, to be with me for real. I feel it too, so I am going to try to convince them to operate on me after I go to London. I will recuperate much faster, I believe, if I am happy...and what a massive dose of happiness it will be, to be with him...

...I have some good ideas on what to post next in my Cupid & Psyche '85 series, but not enough context just yet. I have to be rather foxy (I don't mean sexy [I feel too awkward inside to feel sexy], I mean clever & devious - but for the good of my writing) just now...though, for teasers, think politics and music, and what those signified in '83-'85...