The wedding is building and I am equally under considerable stress and excitement. The food and wine and cake will all be good; now to find someone to officiate, figure out the invite (and who to invite, for that matter), etc. I am finally seeing sample pieces of fabric for my dress tomorrow. My wedding cd is almost ready to put together - I'm just waiting for a cd to arrive in the mail - it is all music from or quite close to 1967, mainly because I was born that year and also it's just a really good year; also, Marcello introduced me to three great albums that came out then when I first visited him last year...

...of course everything revolves around the date of the wedding, which I still don't know. Don't look at me, folks! Marcello is waiting for his passport, which could well arrive in his mailbox today or tomorrow, for all I know...but we are patient and the people hosting the wedding need time to sort the porch and backyard out anyway, so...

That is pretty much all that has been happening here; I am continuing on with being a French tutor, for now anyway...my health continues to be bothersome as I look good (this is what I am told) but my uterus is still, after months of Provera, stubbornly thick, so I have to have a sonohysterogram and yet another ultrasound later this month, with who knows what consequences...they think there's a polyp that needs to be removed, and if I don't spontaneously bleed then they will 'burn out' some of my uterus for me. So I am trying to have happy period thoughts and taking my multivitamins, etc. And of course i feel fat down there, because I am...I will be so happy when all this is over, and I can't really move until it is, as I won't have NHS coverage for these kinds of things until I've been there a while...

The weather: warm and very dry, I heard thunder for the first time since June I think last night. If it rains anytime Marcello is here then I am sure he will have brought it with him. Last Thursday afternoon was dry and windy and warm just like Los Angeles, just like the Santa Ana winds that feel so good at first but then make people crazy - positive ions and all that. No crazy-making winds here, but it sure felt that way...

...slowly but surely I am letting go of Toronto...in dreams and in waking life...so much of it now in retrospect seems like a huge cocoon of a time, with me blindly growing and hurting and loving and enduring, and just as the creature emerges slowly I am emerging slowly, to shed a shell I no longer need...could it really be, all those years ago, when I read about Chrissie Hynde or Sylvia Plath decide that England was their future, I thought to myself, hey, me too? Only I wasn't nearly as adventurous as either of them, maybe I knew it just wasn't the right time. (And when I got to London, I knew I needed to grow up a lot before I came back.) Well now I am ready, and with the definitely needed help of others I will make this final push and be where I belong, with the man I love and in the city I adore, even from thousands of miles away...